Never ever...

I'm not too sure what happened around 4.30 on Saturday afternoon.  It certainly didn't go as planned...

It was all very simple you see, and should have gone something like this.

Drop husband off at pub to watch rugby
Continue down road to Mrs S's house where a paint brush (a cutting in brush actually) was waiting for me
Paint for three hours
Return to pub with Mrs S in tow
Eat dinner
Scoop up husband (all Guinnessed out and sobbing like a girl)
Drive husband home and put him to bed
Watch The Voice in peace and quiet

What could possibly go wrong?

The first thing that went wrong was that the husband wasn't at home when I planned to drive down to Mrs S, as he had taken himself off for a haircut (this seems to take less and less time each time he goes, and I'm almost at the point where I suggest he sticks his head out of the car window while driving at speed every month or so thus saving himself a few quid).  Anyway, I messaged him to say that we would go with the original plan, except he would make his own way to the pub, and we'd collect his car on Sunday morning.

Here's how it went downhill after this...

Drove to Mrs S's house and painted quite happily for three hours.
Finished room, texted the husband to tell him I was on my way to the pub
No response
Texted husband to tell him to get the Prosecco ordered
No response
Walked to pub with Mrs S
Husband not at pub
Husband had never been at pub
First bottle of Prosecco ordered with a packet of crisps chaser
Called home
No response
More crisps
Called mobile
No response
Ordered food
Called mobile
No response
Second bottle of Prosecco ordered
Called home
Husband answered
Husband drove to pub
Husband found wife and best friend slumped over two empty plates, several crisp packets and dregs of second Prosecco bottle
Husband drove wife home in disgust
Wife paid for minor infringement of marital responsibilities for next forty eight hours
Wife swallowed every Anadin Extra in the house hoping to get rid of headache
Wife watched six episodes of The Crown while shivering under blanket and swearing at husband who insisted on breathing too loudly

Never again......

Oh, who am I kidding?


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