Tuesday, 6 June 2017

Three stars...

While out walking my two dogs this afternoon, we chanced upon the very regal looking German Pointer who lives over the road from us.  He is a magnificent beast called Otto, and there was a bit of argy-bargy between the three of them as we don't tend to bump into him often.  As they are all from German descent, I like to imagine that the three of them could carry on a good conversation.

Here's how it might have gone...

Otto: 'Afternoon peasants'.

Percy: 'Good afternoon Mr Otto.  How are you today?' (Percy knows his place and treats Otto with deference.  The fact that Percy is only as tall as Otto's left testicle has some bearing on this)

Reg: 'Awriiiight Ginger?'  This would have been said in his best Catherine Tate 'bovvered' voice.  Reg likes to think that an Essex drawl is cool on a gingham cravat-wearing Miniature Schnauzer from the Home Counties.

Otto: 'I'm not ginger, it's Liver Roan I'll have you know, although I like to call it Chestnut'.

Reg: 'Yeah, whateverrrr...'

Percy: 'So Mr Otto, have you had a lovely walk?' Percy likes a quiet life, and since Reg arrived has learned how important diverting attention can be.

Otto: 'Marvellous, thank you Percy.  My human took me to the woods where I found lots of new and exciting smells'.

Percy:  'That sounds lovely Mr Otto.  Reg and I have been to our human's allotment to see whether anything survived the night'.

Reg: 'Yeah, I chased a rabbit into anuvver allotment and peed over someone's strawberries. I'd like to see their face when they try them wiv a bit o' sugar'.  (Cue for rolling around uncontrollably on the floor while all four paws clutch sides)

Percy (raising eyes to the sky): 'Apologies for my brother Mr Otto.  He's very young, and not educated in the ways of polite society'.

Otto: 'Amusing name you have there, young Reg.  Is it short for anything?'

Reg: 'Dunno.  But my humans sometimes call me 'you little bastard' or 'scrounger'.  Does anyone ever shorten your name?  Like Ot?  Or do they just call you Ginger?'

Otto: 'I  am  not  ginger, Stumpy.  You should learn some manners when around your elders'.

Percy at this point starts looking around for an escape route as it's all going to kick off.

Reg: 'Face...? Bovvered...?  I might be stumpy now, but I will grow a bit more.  And guess what?'

Otto (bored now):  'What?'

Reg: 'You'll still be bloody ginger....'

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