Something very strange happened when I woke up on Monday morning. For the first time since working at Binland, I wished that I had booked yesterday off as a day's holiday. I was feeling a little bit miffed, and harrumphed my way around the piles of detritus lying around. It's usually at this point that I start muttering under my breath, so it was just as well that the husband and son number two had left for work as they might have been surprised at the extent of my swearing.
As I'd been up since 5.30am (how I love having a husband who likes to 'beat the traffic') it left me with some extra time, so I pounced upon the delivery which had turned up late on Sunday. This parcel contained four dresses, bought with the hope that they might be suitable for work. Pulling out the royal blue one, my heart soared at the beautiful colour, and I wriggled into it. My mood plummeted once again as I couldn't get it anywhere near my ample hips, and it was a size 14. Next dress was a grey one, and I approached this with a bit more caution. But lo and behold, it fitted beautifully, AND this was a size 12! Yah-boo-sucks to the royal blue dress, and once again, my mood was lifted.
As I was coming back downstairs, I noticed that the lid wasn't on the linen basket properly. As I got closer, I realised that this was because it was so full, the lid had been perched on top of the dirty clothes like a wicker beret. Picking up the basket, I trudged downstairs, muttering yet again about how us girls have so much crap to deal with. So washing machine on, it was now time to walk the dogs.
Opening the gate into the meadow with the sun shining and the wind whipping up a frenzy, I breathed the fresh air in and felt really happy. And why wouldn't I be? I love a man who just happens to love me back. My children stick to the straight and narrow (most of the time). I have great friends and a once-in-a-lifetime family. I'm healthy, and I love my job. All in all, lots of reasons to smile. The black shadow which had been perched on my left shoulder evaporated with a 'poof' and I strolled through the long grass counting my blessings.
And then, out of the corner of my eye, I watched Percy drop and roll into the largest pile of green fox poo seen to man. Screaming at him like a fishwife, I sprinted across to him and dragged him off. I now had exactly twenty five minutes to walk him back and clean him up before leaving for work. With my hand inside a nappy sack, I groped at the filthy collar and clipped him and Reg onto the lead and strode home, dragging the two of them behind me. As we got to the gate, Percy decided to shake, which meant that from my knee to ankle, I was now covered in it too.
So clothes changed, dog washed, I headed off to work still feeling like I was going to explode. As I rounded the last corner, I was faced with a yellow Mini with black stripes. 'Oh please be called Bumble', I said under my breath, smiling. And then, as it passed me, I saw that it was towing a tiny trailer carrying a large, pink ceramic pig.
Now that's something you don't see everyday. By the time I got to work, I'd got the hysterical laughter under control and was ready to face the day with a smile.
My mood had been up and down more times that a whore's drawers yesterday morning, but at least it ended on a smile...