Wasteland..

-
Words from a Bird.  Day 5.

So, first day back at Binland today.  Wonderful to be amongst the skips and wheelie bins again.  Obviously talking (about) rubbish all over Christmas isn't quite the same. 

Younger son very happy to see me go this morning, as this gave him five hours of laying in bed surrounded by empty chocolate wrappers, watching Jeremy Kyle and the feral underbelly of British civilisation.  It makes him feel normal apparently....

Talking about Jeremy Kyle, I have long had a theory about the people that appear on the show.  I think that the interview process probably goes along these lines...

Q1  Do you, or have you, ever slept with/stolen from/fathered a child with/shared drugs with an inappropriate family member?
Q2  Do you only wear clothes borrowed from a much thinner friend?
Q3  Is your vocabulary limited, with four letters and one syllable being your limit?
Q4  Do you tend to slouch with your legs at a 90 degree angle? (Mostly applicable to males, but females get bonus points for answering yes)
Q5  Do you have a set of teeth that resembles a London street in 1941?

If you can answer 'yes' to at least three of these, then you're through to the next round.

I think that this final question is:

Q6  DO YOU LIVE IN BRISTOL?

Of course, if you can only provide a 'yes' to Q5, this gives you an automatic pass straight through to the show.

So yes, I can see why my son feels 'normal'.......

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It's raining men...

-
We overslept this morning.  I'm not entirely surprised having walked the equivalent of a half marathon over the past two days, and we just about made breakfast.   We did all the usual Christmas stuff today.  Carnaby Street, Regent Street, Borough Market, mulled wine (again), chocolate covered bananas and caramelised nuts.  There was also the issue of the very inclement weather.  Wandering around the whole A to Z of London, the husband decided that a purchase of a hat and scarf was necessary.  Being a fairly sensible woman, I had brought a hat, scarf and gloves with me, but the husband, being of tougher stuff (he hails from the north) had proclaimed that he was no southern softy and would deal with whatever the weather had to throw at him in a manly fashion. Fast forward to late morning, the rain was chucking it down, and the manly fashion had morphed into wimpy whinging about a chaffed chin due to an evil coat zip and a wet head.  And so began the hut hunt. We tried sports shops (t
Read more

Ain't no mountain high enough...

-
Image
I thought you might be interested in the other stuff Mr Bird and I got up to while we were away in the Wobble Box this weekend.  The pinnacle of the weekend was the mountain climb (see what I did there?) but before this, we had anticipated a simple, peaceful and quiet few days together with the dogs.  What we hadn't expected was to be shouted at as we strolled to the pub on the first night, 'What on earth are you two doing here?' Standing outside a posh (and long) motor home, were two very good friends of ours.  Happily retired, they trolley around the world in their home on wheels, and just happened to land in Pandy a whole thirty minutes before we did on Thursday.  The funny thing is, that every time we see each other, the subject of caravans and motor homes is always raised, with promises on both sides made that we will arrange something together for a weekend.  To date, we've never managed to do this, but it finally happened by accident.  We all decided that th
Read more

Diary...

-
Eight years ago, I came up with the idea of writing a diary for my children which I would put into the public domain.  And so Words from a Bird began.  Two thousand posts and almost a million words later, I am still going.  But like all of us, lives change.  Eight years ago, my life was all about the four children, schools, universities, boyfriends, girlfriends, work, my husband, family and the dogs. Much of that is still relevant today, thank goodness, but we now add in two weddings (one more pending), grandchildren (one, and again, one pending), retirement and looking after parents. So to all my completely gorgeous readers, to the ones who have been with me right from the start and to the new ones who have discovered me just this week, thank you for coming along for the ride with me.  I hope I carry on making you giggle for many years to come!   If you don't want to miss anything, just follow the Words from a Bird page. And when I am a very old lady, I hope that my children will
Read more